Road Signs

Just watched an interesting ‘Cutting Edge’ on Channel 4 called Gridlock and Road Rage. It followed a few commuters and regular drivers on their daily slog to work and appointments. It examined the causes of the traffic jams that plague UK cities and the Highways Agency that monitor and manage the road network.

Selfishness and aggression seems to be endemic on the road now. It’s a real problem and one to which I’ve dedicated some thought and examination in the past.

The problem in my opinion is one of COMMUNICATION or the lack of it. Motorists’ cannot talk or communicate with each other and therefore misunderstandings and crossed lines are common.

I however came up with a personal solution. I have a little sign which I keep in my car to communicate with passing motorists at the right time. There’s 2 messages- one on each side of the sign. I never leave home with it now. Have a look.

Fit to Work

Mr Ned arrives 20 minutes late for his appointment this morning. Being a patient-centred and caring GP, I agree to see him in at the end of my surgery.

I call him in and he looks a bit sweaty so I ask him what’s up. He tells me that he missed his bus and had to run all the way down to the surgery. What a shame I thought, poor soul. I glance at the screen and see that his address is a good 2 miles from the surgery. Not bad I thought- that’s about 10km per hour.

I ask him what I can do for him today. He asks me for a sickline- he’s just out of prison and his probation officer told him to GANFYD- Get A Note From Your Doctor. I ask him why he can’t work. He says that he’s done a lot of time and it’s hard to get a job when you’ve been in jail. I tell him that if he can run 2 miles in 20 minutes, he’s as fit as me and so he should have no bother in getting paid employment.

I hand him a Form Med3 stating that- I examined you today and advised you that you NEED NOT REFRAIN FROM WORK.

Another satisfied customer.

Review of Millennium Hilton, Bangkok

We stayed at this hotel for 5 nights in April 2008. The hotel is a fairly new addition to the list of 5* properties in Bangkok. It is an imposing and impressive 33 storey building but on the ‘wrong’ side of the river. However there is a regular free hotel ferry service from the hotel across the river to the Skytrain station.

We upgraded to a suite for an additional £50 per night which was a good move. The suites are massive (over 800 sq ft) and well finished with its own separate living room / office and toilet. Perfect for the Wee Man as he basically had the living room all to himself. The view of the river and city from the suite were great.

The choice for breakfast was either the full international buffet at the Flow restaurant or the continental buffet at the executive lounge. Needless to say we went to for the big buffet which had everything from Japanese, Chinese to Thai and Western choices.

The pool is small for a hotel of this size but there are ample loungers and pool side service is quick and friendly. The gym is well equipped with free weights and machines as well as treadmills and cross trainers.

This is a big hotel with over 500 rooms and suites and at times the service was a bit anonymous. However the executive floors feel like a hotel within a hotel and the staff in the lounge did make an effort to address you my name and make the experience more personal and friendly.

Overall impression- Modern and comfortable property. Good value. Go for Executive Room for better service and free evening cocktails. My Rating 8/10

Next Labour Leader

Gordon Brown is on the ropes after the crushing Crewe and Nantwich by-election defeat. The once Safe Pair of Hands at Number 11 is now the Butter Fingers at Number 10. He’s been caught sleeping at the wheel whilst issues such as the 10p tax fiasco and the subsequent £2.7bn bribe are derailing New Labour.

He was the Iron Chancellor for 10 years and made a reasonably job of it but as the BoE governor said recently, the nice decade is over. The Blair-Brown project has gone bad and it’s starting to reek.

Will there be a leadership contest?

In public at least, no. In private though, there’ll be much jockeying and political manoeuvring from now until the Party Conference in September. Most will be loyal and supportive of GB in public but in the background, the woodwork will be teeming with backstabbers and intrigue. With an 18% swing to the Tories, no Labour seat is safe. Rumours and counter rumours will be rife. Politics at its best. The Tories had theirs in the 1990s during the final days of the Major administration. Now, it’s New Labour’s turn.

And will there be a new Labour leader for the next general election? You bet.

It will be David Miliband.

Andrew Kellet – Dumbass

Undisputed world’s dumbest criminal Andrew Kellet of Leeds as been in the news. He posted 80 clips of his schemie crimes on youtube and was sent down with an ASBO.

He posted such miscellaneous mischief as-

• Not paying his taxi fare
  Driving at 140 mph
  Doing Class A drugs
  Driving away from petrol stations without paying.

However, the clips that gay thicko Kellet didn’t posted included-

• Video clips of him sucking dick
  Fisting his boyfriend
  Taking it up the rectum and loving it.

Sorry Andrew, you’re outed. Enjoy your ASBO.

Saving Taxpayers Money

The mother and half-sister of 16 year old heroin overdose victim Carly Townsend have both been sent down for her  manslaughter through gross negligence. Mother, Andrea Townsend was jailed for 4 years while her daughter (half sister of the deceased) Gemma Evans was jailed for 2 years

The story is that both knew that the 16 year old Carly had injected heroin and following her hit, decided just to lie her in the recovery position in her bed and let her sleep it off. They both went to catch up with their favourite soap on TV.  In the morning she was found dead.

I think the mother Andrea Townsend should be applauded for her efforts to reduce the burden on the state from her drug addicted family. Had she not died, this 16 year old junkie would have cost the state over £200,000 in sickness benefits alone until her 60th birthday. And that’s not including the cost of the crimes to fund her drug habit, the cost of the criminal justice process, prison time, medical costs….It would have been a sizable welfare footprint.

I estimate that the total savings to the British Taxpayer is in the region of £500,000.

Her other daughter Gemma Evans also looks like a prolific welfare sponger as well. If Townsend can work her magic on her other daughter when she gets out of prison, it will be another bumper savings day for our hard pressed Chancellor.

Referral to Alcohol Clinic

Dear Doctor

I would be very grateful if you could see Mark Foster a 29 year old man in your clinic for his alcohol abuse.  He is an economist in London and at the present time is still able to work despite his drinking.

He filled in a diary of his drinking for a week:

Bank holiday – out with friends = 17 units
Tue – curry with friends = 12 units
Wed – park and pub with friends = 16 units
Thur – birthday meal = 7.7 units
Fri – barbeque = 16 units
Sat – a friend’s 30th = 25 units
Sun – another barbeque = 18.5 units
Week’s total = 112.2 units

He freely admits to drinking over 100 units most weeks and displays a remarkable and frightening lack of insight into his abuse and dependence. He comes over as an intelligent and plausible individual but I am concerned that he is actually concealing severe underlying cognitive impairment due to alcoholic brain damage.

Also of concern, is the fact that he is an ECONOMIST. You will be aware of economic problems in the past year such as the credit crunch, rising cost of fuel and raw materials and the slow down in the global economy. If this man’s abuse and lack of insight is typical of the people working in the City and of those at the helm of this country’s economy and financial system then I have to say that this country is well and truly buggered.

Your sincerely

Dr Jokalew.

Café Mao Glasgow

Went to Café Mao last night with a bunch of work colleagues. My first visit to this supposedly hip and trendy Fusion restaurant with the slightly inappropriate name.

Why inappropriate? Mao Zedong was a ruthless dictator responsible for some of the most dreadful atrocities of the 20th century. The Great Leap Forward, the man made famines, the Cultural Revolution…. Millions dead at the hands of Mao.

Would you go to Café Hitler for some German Jewish cuisine? Or a hotpot at the Pol Pot?

Anyway back to Café Mao. It is in a corner site in the trendy Merchant City area of the city. Oversize Warhol prints of the Chairman adorn the walls of the restaurant filled with a young hip crowd. The kitchen is open plan but the extractor fan seemed to be struggling and so atmosphere was rather smoky when it got busy later in the evening.

There is a good choice of Chinese and Japanese beers and a nice bar area where drinks and cocktail were enjoyed before being seated. As there were more than 10 of us, we opted of the Set Menu priced at £15 and £19 for 2 and 3 courses respectively.

I started with the Spiced Salted Ribs with plum sauce. It was neither spicy or salty but they were ribs. Soup of the day was chicken and black bean soup which looked distinctly dull and oily.

Main course was Chilli Lime Beef with Rice. Although the beef was tender, this dish was disappointing. I had expected a Thai inspired light, spicy and fragrant dish but this was a thick stodgy soy based sauce with only a hint of lime and very little spice.

I passed on the offer of dessert which was a choice of chocolate pudding, orange cheese cake or frozen yogurt. Not particularly fusion or inspiring.

Would Mao have approved? I think not. He preferred young girls to fusion cooking,

My Rating: 4/10

Hyperbole is a total nightmare

I’ve noticed that some people are increasingly using the term ‘nightmare’ to describe events and invariably they set incredibly low standards to what actually qualifies for the ‘nightmare’ tag.

A patient this morning-

“The taxi was 20 minutes late. It was a nightmare.”

Overheard in a supermarket queue recently-

“Petrol prices are a nightmare you know.”

In my experience, nightmare scenarios occur very infrequently and therefore I would suggest that peopel should get a grip and stop abusing this term. Why not use terms like “inconvenient”, “troublesome” or “worrying”.

The following are definitely NOT to be classified as nightmares-

• Long check-in / security queue at the airport.
• Curry that is too spicy.
• Stressful day at work.
• Heavy rain.
• Constipation.

A few examples which could be correctly described as real nightmare scenarios-

• 3rd Trimester IUD (intra-uterine death).
• Being buried alive.
• Sudden unexpected death of a loved one.
• Global influenza pandemic .

A £3bn fix for a 10p problem

Alistair Darling and Gordon Brown have today made a massive political and fiscal gamble. In trying to sort out the 10p fiasco that has engulfed New Labour, they have had to borrow an extra £2.7 billion to pay for a tax giveaway.

Now £2.7bn might seem small fry in the scheme of things. Total tax income in 2006/07 was near enough £516bn. An extra £2.7bn isn’t going to be noticed is it? Well think again.

Things really aren’t that rosy for Brown and Darling. Last November, it was reported that tax revenues are falling and government borrowing increasing to £40bn.

“Well, why don’t we just add another £3bn to the overdraft Darling?”

This year, global economic slowdown triggered by the credit crunch and coupled with increasing inflation fuelled by higher food and energy costs, is going to mean bad news all round- tightening consumer spending, slowing economy, stagnant growth, shrinking tax revenues….

Every household knows that when the going is getting tough, you don’t borrow more money for a new sofa and TV just to keep the kids happy.

This might just pacify those rebels who are causing trouble. It might even sway the Crewe by-election. But when the sums are totted up at the end of the day, it’s going to look real bad for the country’s finances and it’s going to be us who’ll be paying for this New Labour Con Trick.