GP with Guns

The news story that Iraqi doctors are to be allowed to carry guns gives hope for those of us working in the ‘war zones’ of West Central Scotland. I can’t wait for the populist SNP government to provide GPs with automatic submachine guns along with our stethoscopes and tongue depressors.

Whereas kidnappings and killings aren’t necessarily the usual occupational hazards that confront us on a daily basis, we are faced with this list of unpleasantries which I feel warrants capital punishment from GPs-

• Failure to remove baseball cap during the consultation
• Answering mobile whilst I’m talking
• Kid jumping on my newly calibrated scales
• Making more than 2 appointments a month
• Complaining of feeling ‘wabbit’
• Demanding Losec because omprazole doesn’t agree with them
• Soap dodging